Cor blimey, your mate or office sidekick is about to hit you up for some medical advice. Oh, like you’re some sort of back-alley Dr. House, eh? They’re expecting medical wisdom from you, and all you’ve got is a half-remembered episode of ‘Casualty’. It’s a bit like asking a fish to perform ballet, innit? You wouldn’t know a gall bladder from a golf ball, mate! Tell ’em to do one and find a proper nurse or doctor. They might have better luck, and you won’t end up with their spleen in a jar. Lucky Charm: A four-leaf clover – just don’t use it as a surgical tool, you muppet. It’s for luck, not a DIY appendectomy!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!