Blimey! It’s time to tackle those pesky chores you’ve conveniently swept under the rug, innit? Not that you’re fond of doing them, oh no! You’d rather chew your own arm off than do another load of washing up. But, tough titties, mate, it’s got to be done. And while you’re at it, slap on a grin and stick a thank you on those who’ve been helping you lately. They’ve probably been doing all your dirty work, the poor mugs. Let ’em know they’re appreciated, even if it’s as much as a fart in a spacesuit. Here’s a little nugget for you: “Your lucky item today is a used tea bag. Who knows, it might make a second cup of tea that’s as weak as your commitment to those chores!”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!