Oy, listen up! You’ve got this sixth sense thing going on when it comes to your crazy family and their bonkers dramas. Maybe you’re just psychic or maybe your family are just as predictable as a British summer (rain, then sun, then bloody rain again). Either way, don’t be a muppet and ignore it. And here’s another thing, don’t be a stubborn old git and think you have to deal with all this codswallop on your lonesome. Find yourself a pal who’s got their head screwed on right, preferably one who’s not as nutty as a fruitcake. And don’t just nod and smile at their advice – actually listen, you daft pillock. Remember, there’s no medal for playing the martyr, so stop being so bloody British about it. And for today’s lucky charm: Find a four-leaf clover. If you can spot one in this godforsaken rain, you’re lucky indeed, and if not, well, it’s a decent excuse to spend the afternoon down the pub. “I was looking for a clover, I swear!” Trust me, it’s foolproof.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!