Right, listen up, you’ve got a sprog in the family who can’t tell their arithmetic from their arsehole, and it’s fallen on you to sort it out. They’ve got exams looming, and it’s about time someone shoved some sense into their thick skull. You know, like trying to teach a chimpanzee quantum physics. And just as you’ve got this delightful task, work’s decided to slap you with a deadline. It’s a bit like having a piano hanging over your head, innit? So, pull up your knickers and get cracking, because if you don’t, you’ll find yourself in a right pickle. Lucky tip: Apparently, a four-leaf clover is meant to bring good luck. But good luck finding one of those without ending up face-first in a cow pat. Now, wouldn’t that be a sight for sore eyes?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!