Well, you’re not exactly twiddling your thumbs now, are you? Your plate’s fuller than a buffet at an all-you-can-eat joint. And you, my darling, are waiting for results like a cat on a hot tin roof. But don’t go thinking you’ve got nowt better to do than sit around and twiddle your thumbs. There’s no point in being as useful as a chocolate teapot now, is there? So, get off your arse, find something to do, and stop moping about like a grey cloud on a sunny day. You’ll get your news when you get it, not a bloody moment sooner. So, pull up your knickers, put on a brave face, and go conquer the world, or at least your laundry pile. And here’s a lucky tip for you – next time you’re feeling like a bear with a sore head, remember: You’re luckier than a pigeon with a French fry. So, chin up, sunshine. You’ve got this. A bit of patience never killed anyone, but then again, neither did a bit of gin.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!