Blimey, your mate’s love life has gone tits up and they’re dying for a chinwag. You might feel about as enthusiastic as a sloth in a sprint, but they’re begging for your pearls of wisdom. As you mull it over, you realise you’ve got more relationship advice than a cheap romance novel. So, put on your best agony aunt face and dish out the advice like a curry house dishes out poppadoms. And for a bit of a giggle, your lucky item is a rubber duck. Because, let’s face it, when your love life’s gone down the loo, you might as well have a laugh while you’re at it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!