Bloody hell, if you’re off on a spree to the shops, don’t be a dimwit, jot down a list and stick to it. Check your change, you berk, those shopkeepers aren’t above short-changing you. And don’t toss your receipts, you never know when you’ll need to prove you didn’t nick that ugly jumper. Off on a grand adventure, are we? You’ve had yonks to plan this caper, so if anything goes pear-shaped, you’ve only yourself to blame. Here’s a lucky tip for you: Always carry a rubber duck. Why? Because if you ever find yourself up the creek without a paddle, at least you won’t be the only one floating aimlessly. Now, isn’t that a comforting thought?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!