Cor blimey, recently you’ve been navel-gazing more than a bloody acrobat, haven’t ya? All about your kinfolk and the ones you can’t stand to love. You’ve got this hankering to say “cheers” for all the good they’ve done, like not killing you in your sleep. If these pillocks are six feet under, why not scribble down your feelings? Might be as healing as a pint after a bad curry night. Lucky charm: A rubber duck. Because sometimes, you need to remember that even in the toughest of times, life should never be taken as seriously as a duck with a squeaky bottom.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!