You might be gobsmacked to discover just how much you’re the bleedin’ bee’s knees today, mate. You might’ve planned a quiet day in, feet up, cuppa in hand, but life’s about to get as messy as a chip shop floor at closing time. Your blower won’t stop chirping like a randy budgie, and you’re gonna have more unexpected guests than the Queen’s boudoir on a Saturday night. And for your lucky charm: Keep a spare roll of loo paper handy, darling. You never know when you’ll need a quick exit or to clean up a mess. Trust me on this one, it’s as helpful as a fart in a lift when you’re trying to make a swift getaway.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!