Right, listen up, you crowd of misfits. It’s high time you started sucking up to your lot at home and your motley crew of mates. Bleat on about your opinions with a bit of sweetness and light, but make sure you’re as clear as a pint of lager, not a murky bitter. You’re brimming with schemes and plots that would make a Bond villain look lackadaisical. Your rabble is chomping at the bit to hear your grand plans. Just don’t be surprised if their enthusiasm matches that of a sloth on a Sunday. Lucky charm for you, mate: A horseshoe. But knowing your luck, it’ll probably still be attached to the horse when you find it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!