Right, listen up, sunshine. You’ve been bumming around long enough, it’s time to get your arse in gear. You’re about as employable as a chocolate teapot, but don’t fret, there’s always that one job nobody wants. You know, the one that even the rats turned their noses up at. If you’re on the prowl for a new line of work, have a natter with the bloke next door or your dodgy Uncle Dave. They might know of some pitiful opening that will tickle your fancy, or at least make you less of a freeloader. Just be ready to prance off to an interview faster than a politician avoiding a straight answer. Before you know it, you’ll be raking in the dosh, doing something you might not despise entirely. God help the poor sods who have to work with you, though. Now listen here, your lucky item is a rubber chicken. I don’t know why, it just is. You never know when a good rubber chicken will come in handy. It’s just like your career, really. Utterly ridiculous, but it makes for a good laugh.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!