Blimey, you’re feeling the pressure, ain’t ya? You’re as tense as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Your colleagues are about as cooperative as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest. You’re probably sat there, scratching your noggin, wondering if you’ve upset some poor soul. Maybe you’ve let out a silent but deadly one in the office lift, or perhaps you’ve been caught nicking the last custard cream from the communal biscuit tin. Never you mind, old bean. The key here is to find that sweet spot with your mates at work. It’s a bit like finding a G-spot in a haystack, but you’ll manage. Make sure you’re both on the same page – or at least in the same library – when it comes to joint tasks, else you’ll end up in a right pickle. Your lucky charm for the week is the humble garden gnome – nothing says “I’ve got my shit together” like a small, bearded chap in a pointy hat. Stick one on your desk and watch the magic happen. Just remember, if anyone asks where you got it, say you won it in a fight with a badger. Nobody questions a badger fighter.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!