Blimey! You’ve just clocked that your social merry-go-round’s gone a bit pear-shaped, innit? That mate you used to have a good chinwag with, now they’re about as much fun as a root canal without the anaesthetic. Despite you bending over backwards (not in the fun way), they’ve remained as changeable as British weather. It’s about time you gave them the old heave-ho and found some pals who don’t make you feel like you’re at a funeral… without the free buffet. Pssst, your lucky phrase is “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Use it when you’re about to lose your rag. Remember, it’s got about as much to do with an actual circus as I have with being a teetotal vegan.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!