You’re all in, balls to the wall, about this fresh mission of yours, despite some numpty’s backhanded suggestions. They haven’t got a Scooby-Doo how deadly serious you are on this issue. The rest of the muppets may be as confused as a chameleon in a bag of Skittles over your sudden change of heart, but they’ll be about as successful as a chocolate teapot in trying to put you off your stroke. Lucky phrase for you: “Bob’s your uncle.” Remember, if things go pear-shaped, just drop this gem into conversation and watch the magic happen. It’s about as useful as a chocolate fireguard, but at least it’ll give everyone a good chuckle.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!