Blow a raspberry to those gobby lot who seem to have a PhD in moaning, especially when their bellyaching sounds as useful as a chocolate teapot to you. Give their downbeat drivel the old heave-ho and concentrate on your gig like a dog with a bone. Your graft will stick out like a sore thumb and earn you some kudos. And now for your lucky charm: a rubber duck. Yes, you heard it right, a bloody rubber duck! Nothing says “Sod off, bad luck” quite like a yellow bath toy. Just don’t let it float off in a public pool… we wouldn’t want it mistaken for a wee, would we?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!