Well, love, your love life seems about as stable as a tipsy aunt at a wedding, flipping between being as delightful as a cream tea on a sunny afternoon and as miserable as a wet weekend in Skegness. You’re up and down more often than a tart’s knickers! Today’s events will hit you like a cricket ball to the nethers, and you’ll finally realise it’s time to step off this bloody merry-go-round. Your lucky charm for the day is a rubber duck. Incredibly useful if your love life continues to go down the drain, at least you’ll have something to play with during the flood. Keep it squeaky clean, you filthy animal!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!