Right, listen up, you lot! Sign up for a bloody ‘learn-something-new’ scheme, and you’ll be climbing the career ladder faster than a ferret up a drainpipe. You’ll be so chuffed, you’ll even put your hand up for some extra homework. How’s that for a laugh? Bit of recent reshuffling got your knickers in a twist, eh? Don’t sit there like a wet weekend, go chinwag with the big cheese. They probably won’t have a Scooby what’s going on either, but at least you’ll both be in the same boat. As for a lucky charm, try a four-leaf clover. It’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but at least it’ll give you something to chew on when the chips are down!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!