Oi, you altruistic sod, you’re about to get your jollies helping those ungrateful lot you call friends and family. Keeps you away from the gin, doesn’t it? And better yet, keeps those pesky feelings of wanting to scream into the abyss at bay. Now, don’t get your knickers in a twist, but I reckon you might find yourself diving headfirst into that dusty cavern you call an imagination. You might even stumble upon a few bonkers ideas to spruce up your dump, god knows it needs it. And here’s a little nugget of wisdom for you. Your lucky phrase this week is “Bob’s your Uncle.” Not sure if Bob is your uncle, but if he is, be sure to remind him of that 20 quid he owes you.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!