Cor blimey! That event you’ve been wetting your knickers over ended up being a bigger letdown than a souffl� in a bouncy castle. The whole flippin’ shindig was more rushed than a randy rabbit on Red Bull, with the organisers acting like they’d rather be anywhere but there. Honestly, love, you could’ve done a better job blindfolded, with one hand tied behind your back, and after five rounds with Tyson Fury. No doubt you’re chomping at the bit to take the reins next time, and honestly darling, I wouldn’t blame you. Here’s a little pearl of wisdom for you: your lucky item is a pair of knuckle dusters. Not because you’re in for a dust-up, but because the next time someone tries to organise a piss-up in a brewery, you’ll need them to knock some sense into the silly sods.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!