Blimey, life’s finally stopped dragging its arse, ain’t it? You should be chuffed to bits! You’re about to feel like you’ve escaped from a bloody snoozefest of a routine that’s been as thrilling as watching paint dry. You were this close to chucking in the towel on a few ventures that seemed about as likely to take off as a lead balloon. But would you Adam and Eve it? That utter numpty who’s been throwing a spanner in the works has finally done one. It’s about damn time, too! And here’s your cheeky bit of luck: a four-leaf clover. Yeah, I know it sounds about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but who knows? The next time you’re up the proverbial creek without a paddle, it might just come in handy. Or at least it’ll give you something to munch on.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!