Well, love, you’ve got yourself in a right pickled onion, haven’t you? Some bloke or situation’s become a bigger pain in the arse than a dodgy curry on a Sunday night. You’re up to your eyeballs in it, and if you don’t pull your socks up, your health’s gonna take a hit harder than a drunk on a Saturday night. Now, you’ve got a choice, and it’s as clear as a pint of lager. Either you give this whole mess a good old British ‘bugger off’ or sit back, let it roll on, and brace yourself for the shite storm that’ll follow. And for today’s bit of luck, try wearing your knickers inside out. It’s your lucky charm for the day. And before you turn your nose up at it, just remember, it’s easier than trying to find a four-leaf clover in a football field!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!