Blimey, mate, if you’re starting to feel like a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest, then it’s about time you took a breather and had a butcher’s at your game plan. You’ve been running around like a blue-arsed fly, so it’s time to pull your finger out and come up with a fresh strategy. Why not spread the load? Sharing tasks ain’t just for pinko-communists you know. And, for the love of the Queen, stop being a tight-arse and invest in some handy gadgets. They might just save you from morphing into a complete and utter cockwomble. And listen here, your lucky charm today is a toaster. Yes, a bloody toaster, ’cause with your luck, you’re more likely to get struck by lightning than toast a crumpet on the first try. So, go on, give it a whirl, you never know, you might just manage to avoid burning down the house, you muppet.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!