Oi, you numpty! Keep your snout out of the dodgy business unless you’re bloody clued up on the stakes, alright? Before you go playing Florence Nightingale, make sure you’re not being roped into some mug’s scheme. Are you being taken for a ride, old bean? Puttin’ your own to-do list on the backburner could land you in a right pickle, that could. Your lucky phrase, you ask? ‘Bob’s your uncle.’ Not sure who this Bob chap is, but he must be some sort of lucky charm. Use it when you want to sound like you’ve got a clue. It’s as useful as a chocolate teapot, but it’ll give ’em a chuckle.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!