Blimey, you’re a right dodgy one, aren’t you? Sweating more than a politician at a truth convention. There’s some sticky wicket causing you a bit of a kerfuffle, and you’re as eager to chat about it as a vegan in a butcher’s shop! News flash, darling, you’re not the only one with the collywobbles. There’s a whole gaggle of us feeling like a dog’s dinner, so quit beating yourself up about it! Lucky mantra for ya: “I’m a top banana, not a damp squib!” Repeat it when you’re feeling about as useful as a chocolate teapot. But remember, even a chocolate teapot is a bloody delicious disaster.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!