Oi, listen up, you daft pillock! Dodge the squabbles like you dodge your ex at the pub. You’ve got better things to do than waste your breath on some cock-up argument. There’s this ancient geezer at work who’ll appreciate your support, probably because they can’t remember their own name most of the time. If your workmates start stepping out of line, nudge ’em gently while whispering about the consequences, like a ghost warning Scrooge of his future. Don’t be a wet blanket, just remind ’em of the time Gary from accounting brought tuna to a potluck and now he’s forever “Fishy Gary”. Lucky tip: Try the old “I found a fiver in my pocket” excuse next time you’re late for work. Might not help your punctuality, but at least it’ll give you a reputation as a jammy dodger with a sense of humour.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!