Darling, those who’ve had the misfortune of witnessing your ‘talents’ are out there, spreading what they call ‘positive feedback’ about you. It’s like buttering a burnt scone, really. If you’re currently aiming your darts at a shiny new job opportunity or considering a hefty voluntary role (because clearly, your time is worth nothing), you can bank on the pity… sorry, ‘support’ of those perched on high horses. A dash of self-advert, because let’s face it, who else would do it, can catapult you from zero to hero. Or, more realistically, from zero to 0.1. As for your lucky charm, let’s try this: “May your boss never discover you’re as useful as a chocolate teapot.” It’s a mantra, a tip, a cry for help, all in one. And remember, it’s just as funny as your career prospects, darling.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!