Blimey, you’ve got an eye sharper than a tack on a corgi’s backside, and you’re not about to button your lip, are ya? You’ve got this knack for reading people like a cheap, smutty novel, making it harder for anyone to pull a woolly one over you. Your chums regard your brutal honesty and noble intentions with a mix of awe and terror. Keep your peepers open for a chance to climb that career ladder, even if it’s greasier than a chip butty. Lucky phrase: “Every cloud has a silver lining, but only if the sun’s not gone on a bender.” Do remember, it’s not about the size of the cloud, it’s how you use it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!