Cor blimey mate, if you’re feeling down in the dumps about your dosh situation, or some cocked up kerfuffle about property or inheritance, don’t get your knickers in a twist! Take a butcher’s at the big picture and tell those feelings to bugger off. If some tosser is having a go, stirring the pot like a mad hatter on speed, remember you’re not the bloody Queen, you don’t have to entertain every fool at court! So, stick a cork in it and do a runner. For good measure, here’s your lucky phrase: “Fortune favours the cheeky bugger.” Remember, it’s not about being a jammy git; it’s about having the bollocks to grab life by the scruff and give it a good shaking. Can be a right giggle, innit?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!