Cor blimey! Looks like you’re in line for a bit of a “how’s your father” out of the blue, mate! Some saucy devil’s planning to knock your socks off with a suggestion that’ll have you sweating like a glass blower’s arse. It might leave you feeling as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, but keep your pecker up, eh? Your positivity is spreading like a bad case of the clap, and as the day drags on, you’ll be inching ever closer to that darling little dream you’ve been clutching onto like a rat on a sinking ship. Oh, and by the way, your lucky charm is a four-leaf clover. But let’s be honest, the way your luck’s been going, you’d probably find it in a patch of poison ivy!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!