Listen here, darling, you’ve landed in a rabble of folk that are getting their knickers in a twist over the ever-changing landscape around ’em. The services you used to rely on? Well, they’re going down the drain faster than your last gin and tonic! There’s this nosy parker from the local rag, sniffing about a campaign that’s supposed to put a bit of spit and polish on your neck of the woods and perk up life for all the riff-raff. And for your lucky charm, try carrying around a horseshoe. Just don’t get it confused with your last date – remember, the horseshoe is the one with less rusty edges.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!