Some recent palaver’s been swanning about your bonce, ain’t it? There’s this muppet who’s really got your knickers in a twist. But you’re not some numpty, are ya? You know you’re gonna have to swallow your pride, along with maybe a few pints, and forgive the bloody berk for the kick in the crown jewels they’ve slung your way. Once you’ve managed to shake off the past like a bad case of the trots, you’ll feel as fresh as a daisy… or more like a slapper after a Saturday night scrub-up. Oh, and here’s a bit of wisdom for ya ‘A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush’. Now, don’t get your mind in the gutter, it’s not that kind of bird or bush. It’s your lucky phrase, you cheeky sod. Mind you, it’s always better to keep a firm grip on what you’ve got, rather than fumbling around in the undergrowth.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!