Blimey, you and your old china have a connection tighter than a nun’s chuff, something the numpty on the other side couldn’t spot if it smacked ’em in the gob. Having the right sort of backup is like having a well-stuffed bra – it keeps you upright even when you’re knackered and gives you a cheeky bit of a strut, leaving the competition eating your dust. Lucky charm: A horseshoe. But remember, it’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot if you don’t believe in its magic. And if you do, you’re nuttier than a squirrel’s stash!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!