Blimey, love, brace yourself! Seems like you’ve got a mystery pen pal from the arse-end of nowhere about to pop up on your radar. Keep your gob running and your ears pricked, ‘cos you won’t want to miss a word from this elusive blighter. And don’t just sit there like a lemon, be ready to spring into action faster than a rat up a drainpipe once you’ve sorted out your own pile of muck! And here’s a lucky charm for you – a golden horseshoe. But don’t be a daftie and hang it upside down, or your luck will run out faster than a cheap pint on a Friday night!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!