Cor blimey, mate, don’t let life weigh you down like a sumo wrestler on a seesaw. You’re carrying on like a Queen’s Guard at a royal funeral – lighten up, will you? People won’t bat an eyelid if you bugger off for a breather. Even the most dire situations can be a right laugh if you tackle them with the mirth of a drunken uncle at a wedding. And here’s a tip for you, sunshine: your lucky charm is a pigeon feather. Just don’t ask where the pigeon’s been – you don’t need that kind of karma.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!