After a right royal ruckus where your world’s as messed up as a soup sandwich, things will start to mellow out like a fine wine. While the numpties around you are having a mare just keeping their knickers from twisting, you’ll be bobbing along on this sea of chaos like a bloody rubber duck in a bathtub. There’s a sneaky sod on the prowl for bright sparks. Keep your nuggets of wisdom to yourself, unless you fancy them nicking your lightbulb moments. Lucky phrase for the day: “A stitch in time saves nine.” But if you’re anything like me, darling, you’ll probably need that stitch for your split sides from laughing at the idiots around you, not for any actual sewing.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!