Blimey, one of your regular chums has buggered off and you’re left feeling like a forgotten ham sandwich at a vegan picnic. It’s a right royal pain in the rear, innit? Then there’s that niggly neighbour of yours, who’s getting on your wick something chronic. But hold your horses, love, before you go all medieval on them. You don’t want to look like a petulant prat, now do you? Instead, why don’t you turn your attention to that hobby of yours? No, not the taxidermy, the other one! It might be a bit of a diversion, and who knows, you might even crack a smile. And here’s a little lucky charm for you: “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” Just remember, if you’re holding a pigeon, make sure it doesn’t poo in your hand, it’s not as lucky as you might think.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!