Blimey, your relationships are as knackered as the Queen’s old corgis, and events are going pear-shaped faster than a Love Island contestant’s botched boob job! But don’t get your knickers in a twist, petal, it ain’t as dire as a rainy day in Blackpool. A knees-up later tonight will brighten your mood faster than a panto dame’s sequins, and you’ll find it easier to forgive that numpty who caused you aggro earlier, even though they’re about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Lucky phrase for you: ‘Every cloud has a silver lining.’ Except in Britain, where the clouds are as grey as a badger’s arse. But in terms of your life, love, it means things are about to look up, so hold tight!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!