Well, darlin’, there appears to be a right muppet in your life, naturally gifted in the fine art of winding you up, and they ain’t even breaking a sweat. Just their presence, love, is about as enjoyable as a root canal, especially when they’re nipping about like a caffeinated squirrel. Perhaps they’ve got a bit of chinwag they’re struggling to spit out. Be a dear, and let them know you’re all ears, though maybe remind them you’re not bloody Oprah. As for your lucky charm, it’s a pack of extra strong mints. You never know when you’ll need to subtly hint that they should shut their gob for a minute. Just remember, darling, tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to be sarcastic.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!