Oi, love! You’re having a right mare with your dosh, ain’t ya? All your mates think you’re having a right cob on, but you’re just trying to keep your wonga in check. It’s like trying to explain cricket to a Yank, innit? They reckon you’re miffed when all you’re doing is trying to stop your finances going tits up. You’re about as cheerful as a wet weekend in Blackpool, but you’re donning a smile like a Cheshire cat on Prozac. And here’s a little nugget for ya: “A penny saved is a penny earned.” But don’t go thinking that’ll magically turn your pennies into pounds, you daft git. It just means stop splashing the cash on crap you don’t need. Your lucky charm? A moth-eaten wallet. That way, you’ll think twice before you open it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!