Oi, listen up mate! You know that chum from work or your snogging partner who’s been acting like they’ve got a cucumber stuck up their arse? Well, they’ve been giving you the cold shoulder, ain’t they? You thought they’d have your back, but instead, they’ve been treating you like a fart in a spacesuit. They’ve got more bottled up inside than a constipated elephant, struggling to keep their knickers untwisted. So, do them a solid and cut them some slack. Oh, and your lucky charm for the day? A bottle opener. You never know when you’ll need to uncork a bottle or a friend. Trust me, it works wonders on both fronts. Just remember to aim well, wouldn’t want to get sprayed in the face now would we?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!