Listen up, mate. Keep your gob running at home and at the workplace, or else you’re up the swanny without a paddle, aren’t ya? Wake up and smell the crumpets, you need to gab on about your little plans and daily chores, so everyone knows what’s what. It’s not a secret spy mission, you’re not James Bond, for heaven’s sake. Don’t play the silent brooding type, it will get you about as far as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking competition. And remember, your lucky charm is a rubber chicken. Why? Because life’s a joke and so are you, darling. Might as well have a laugh while you’re at it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!