Oi, you greedy git! You’ve got a bit of a penchant for overdoing it, don’t ya? It’s all fun and games until your trousers can’t button and you’re gasping for air after climbing one flight of stairs. It’s time to chuck the chocs and give the crisps a miss, mate. Dial down the party vibes and remember that a pint of lager isn’t one of your five-a-day. Now, I’m not saying become a gym bunny overnight, but a bit of a run around the park wouldn’t go amiss. You do know what exercise is, right? It’s that thing where you move around a lot and start sweating – no, not when you’re reaching for the last biscuit. And remember, health isn’t just about what you shove down your gob hole. You’ve got to keep your noggin in check too. So, let’s get this sorted, shall we? Or do you want to end up looking like a beached whale in a onesie? Lucky charm for you: A gym membership card. Surprised? Well, you better not use it as a bookmark for your takeaway menu. P.S. Your lucky number is the amount of steps from your couch to your fridge. And no, you cheeky bugger, you can’t move the fridge closer.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!