Blimey, if you’re wound up tighter than a girdle on a Baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast, and finding that even the plainest of chit-chats sets off your fuse, it’s high time you took a breather, love. Get a grip on your knickers and reel back those emotions. Sure, your life’s up in the air like Madonna at a pole dancing class, and it’s got you feeling as jumpy as a one-legged man in a bum-kicking contest, but keeping your cool will do you more good than going all Gordon Ramsay on everyone. Your lucky charm, darling, is a teapot – not to pour some calming herbal tea, but to bonk on the head anyone who really gets your gander up. And remember, the phrase “Keep Calm and Carry On” wasn’t just made for bloody tea towels.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!