Right, you old codger! If you spot a chance to play knight in shining armour to your chum, neighbour or office drone, you’ll find it oddly tickles your fancy. Your flatmate’s lost the plot and needs a hand, but let’s be honest, you couldn’t give two hoots about tasks that require you to squint and pore over the details. Now, your lucky phrase for today is “A stitch in time saves nine.” But remember, that’s only if you can be arsed to find the bloody needle in the first place!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!