Blimey! ‘Ave a gander at this, you’re going to be best mates with your kin and those nosy pillocks next door. Pull a favour from one of your flatmates, you might need ’em to help you unblock the bog or something. Fancy a bit of redecorating, do ya? Slap some new wallpaper on those dreary walls or just sod it and bugger off into your head for a while, dreaming of being on Love Island or something equally daft. Your lucky item is a plunger, mate. Never know when the old throne’s gonna rebel. And if it does, you’ve got the perfect excuse to dodge that dreadful family gathering. “Sorry Aunt Marge, can’t chat – got a bit of a situation in the loo!” Now, ain’t that a lucky escape?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!