Well, duckie, you’re going to find yourself in the thick of a right royal knees-up when your chum, who’s been as productive as a chocolate teapot, finally does something worth celebrating. You’ll be chuffed to bits, ready to dive headfirst into the festivities. Your energy will be as infectious as a three-day-old fish and chips left out in the sun. Bugger the hoovering and washing up, they’ll be there tomorrow, won’t they? Your lucky charm is a pair of knackered old knickers. Don’t ask why, sweetheart, just trust the stars. They’ve clearly had one too many gin and tonics.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!