Where once you were the daft mug everyone took the mickey out of, you’re gearing up to flip the script. You’ve grown tired of being used like a cheap loo roll. Now, you’re aiming to rub shoulders with folk who won’t just help you climb the social ladder, but have the ladder already leaning against their swanky penthouse. Your horoscope says it’s time to stop being everyone’s doormat and start being the dog that’s done its business on the carpet. Start hanging around with the sort who can get you places, preferably the sort who own a bloody yacht. As for your lucky charm, it’s a teapot this week. Why? Because just like a well-brewed cuppa, you’re best when left to stew before pouring your heart out. Or maybe it’s because, like a teapot, you’re full of…well, let’s keep it PG-13, shall we?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!