If you’re toying with the idea of scribbling your life story, a soap opera script, or a tedious blog, the words will spew out like a lager after a curry night. Most folks would rather hear you waffle on than listen to the telly, but it’s the snidey remarks that’ll get stuck in your bonnet. Don’t let the miserable gits get under your skin. They’re just a few bad apples in a barrel of spuds. Luck for the day: Your lucky number is 13. Why? Because it’s as twisted as your sense of humour and as welcome as a fart in a lift.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!