You’re buzzing like a cheap vibrator, gagging for anything that’ll pry you away from your usual humdrum existence. Be like a meerkat on Red Bull, always on the lookout for golden tickets to broaden your blinkered view of the world. Stay as bendy as a contortionist at a yoga retreat and nudge your significant other to try something new, like taking up the bloody washing for once, instead of being a stick-in-the-mud routine lover. Your lucky item is a rubber duck, because why the hell not? It’s as useful as a chocolate teapot, but hey, at least it’ll give you a good giggle in the bathtub.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!