Well, strike me sideways, ain’t it just a right royal pain in the arse when every Tom, Dick and Harry comes a-knockin’ for a piece of your precious time? You’re not a bloody circus act, juggling all these demands like a monkey on speed. It’s enough to leave you more knackered than a one-legged man at an arse-kicking contest. Just take it at a snail’s pace, sweetheart. If they can’t wait for your grand appearance, well, they can just bugger off to the back of the queue and suck it up. Here’s a bit of a giggle for you – your lucky phrase is “Patience is a virtue, but so is telling people to sod off.” Try using that next time you’re swarmed with needy folks. It may not win you friends, but it’ll surely give you a laugh.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!